Parenting

Manhood Authority

It’s Friday! Tom was making his way home, looking forward to the weekend ahead. The pressure of the week behind him was fading as he made a mental list of his plans for the next couple of days. He’s finally free. As he turned a corner with his car, he turned a page in his mind to see sun, sand, water, fish…, but his thoughts are interrupted by a strange glow in his car. No, not really a glow, it was more like a flash. What is that pulsing orb of color? He suddenly recognizes the blue, pulsating flash of a police officer’s lights directly behind him. His stomach jumps to his throat as Tom glances down and notices his speedometer reading at 47. “It’s only 35 here”, Tom thinks to himself as he makes his way to the curb.

“Good afternoon, Sir. May I see your driver’s license?”, the officer asked politely. And you know how the rest of that conversation goes.

Why is the officer so polite? Why does he speak in such even tones, almost emotionless? Why doesn’t he charged up to Tom’s car, pound his fist on the hood, stomp his feet, kick the gravel and bellow something like, “What is the world are you doing? Are you some kind of jerk or something? What in the world do you think you’re doing, driving 47 miles an hour on my street?”

An officer doesn’t do that, because he’s been trained. He knows that the badge behind which he stands represents authority. It’s authority that he has been given. This is not a personal affront. The badge is not his, the street is not his, the law is not his. He is simply a representative a system that is much bigger than he is. He’s there under authority, having been sworn to protect, defend, and uphold. He doesn’t need to get angry. He doesn’t need to stomp and snort. His authority is expressed in the power of his pen, as he quietly, confidently, and firmly hands out a citation for speeding.

Tom finally makes it home. He walks to the door of his home, having already bathed his mind with visions of serenity, the aromas of supper, the splendor of loving children rushing to his knees. With his first step through the door, he feels the crushing, grinding sound of a Lego under his foot. Two of his precious children fly past him, as one screams, “Daddy, tell him to give that back to me!” The two continue their flight up the stairs as Tom slides past and into the kitchen, greets Linda, his wife. He quickly makes his way to the den, where he flops into his chair, flips open his laptop and fires up Candy Crush.

Now, it’s not that Tom is lazy. And it’s not that he doesn’t care about his wife, his children, or his home. Tom has not been trained or equipped. He does not know the “badge” that he has been given. He is not aware of the authority that is his. He doesn’t know how to issue citations or how to enforce them. Instead of quietly “asking for their license”, he is baffled, backs away, or gets angry.

In The Prince and the Pauper, Mark Twain tells the story of Prince Edward, son of King Henry VIII, who discovers that he has an identical look-alike in Tom Canty, a pauper who lives with his abusive father in Offal Court off Pudding Lane in London. Out of boredom and curiosity, the Prince develops a plan by which he trades places with the pauper. The Prince ends up locked out of his own kingdom, while the pauper is trapped in the strange and unfamiliar world of royalty. The confusion, distress, danger, and comedy that results are both entertaining and instructive. It’s a great story, but I’ll leave the reading to you.

The Prince’s decision does give us a good picture of what happens when lines of authority and responsibility are confused. I am convinced that if you as a man can come to understand and grab hold of your God-given position, it will change you forever. And along with changing you, it will change your wife. It will change your work-place. It will change your community. It will change your church. It will change our world.

Men, you have been given the right to oversee your home and family, to set direction, to determine beliefs, to decide what is taught and practiced. You have authority over the food you eat, what kind of house you live in, where that house is located, what income you earn. You get to decide what your children are taught and who teaches it.

Before I go further, please allow me to identify some ‘buzz’ words that push buttons in our culture. Where words such as ‘authority’, ‘obedience’ and ‘discipline’ were created by our Father in heaven, the enemy of man has twisted and perverted these words to keep us away from experiencing love. In the world, ‘authority’ is viewed as evil. ‘Obedience’ is seen as harsh and oppressive. ‘Honor’ and ‘Respect’ are seen as forced allegiance to undeserving tyrants. Please, please hear me on this. In their appropriate and original context, these words and the principles behind them are life giving. For the individual who walks willingly under the authority of the law, there is life, peace, protection, freedom to excel. Self-administered obedience (self-discipline) brings freedom from chaos, stability, confidence, peace and hope. Honor and respect simply identify tools by which I demonstrate value in people around me.

Words are the very thing that formed the universe, which is why a lack of understanding of these words keeps a man from walking in his rightful role. It is the understanding of leadership through love that positions a man to lead and influence his home, and the marketplace.

Authority, like life itself, however, cannot spring from nothing. Authority must be delegated from a higher source. The individual or entity that stands on its own and claims to have authority has no basis. The police officer who pulled Tom over for speeding gets his authority to do so from the civil authority that enacted the law that governs speed limits. The law makers that passed the speeding law gained their authority to do so from the documents that constitute the state that they govern. Those documents gain their authority from the Constitutional law under which our nation is established. The Constitution gains its authority from the Founder who established all law. Ultimately, all authority comes down from God himself. There is no authority, except that which comes from him.

There was a man in the Bible who was described, by Jesus, as having the greatest faith he had ever seen! He was a Roman centurion who said, “For I too am a man set under authority, with soldiers under me: and I say to one, ‘Go,’ and he goes; and to another, ‘Come,’ and he comes; and to my servant, ‘Do this,’ and he does it” Luke 7:8. Because the centurion had such understanding of authority, Jesus “marveled at him, and turning to the crowd that followed him, said, “I tell you, not even in Israel have I found such faith.” It’s amazing to consider that of all actions or statements that Jesus observed as he walked on earth, the one that receives his highest commendation is a man who understands authority.

Authority is a powerful tool. You have been empowered to train your sons and daughters in the appropriate use of their own authority. They have the privilege of making life choices for themselves. Equip them to make good choices. Many of life’s biggest decisions are made between the ages of 16 and 22; sexual choices, marriage choices, educational choices, vocational choices, indebtedness choices.

Teach your children to respect authority and to show honor. From the earliest age, let them know that there is authoritative structure in the world and they must comply with that authority. When your children are disobedient and resist your authority, take quick action, without emotion. Just like the police officer that pulled Tom over for speeding, speak quietly, respectfully. Explain the violation clearly, and “write a ticket”. Yes, that means there should be a penalty for disobedience.

Your child needs to be prepared for reality. Every sphere of life carries a penalty for disobedience. Tom felt that penalty for speeding. An employee loses his job for it. An athlete is penalized for it. In your family, your children need to be impacted by it.

I am a strong proponent of spanking young children. When done appropriately, it doesn’t happen often. Please understand and remember the context. Spank under control and without emotion. Spank for defiance and not for accidents. Communicate clearly and take action quickly, to avoid frustration and actions that are taken in anger. Discipline for heart compliance and not just for outward conformity.

I want to encourage you to start early, pray consistently, talk openly. Step forward and take daily action to reap the long-term fruit of maturity, wisdom, and freedom in the lives of your children.

Teaching Discernment to children

by mholden

Posted by Mark Holden on Monday, May 1, 2017

To Allow or Not to Allow? By Havalah Puccio

by mholden

Money. It is so small, yet because of it, nations have risen and fallen and wars have been fought. One might say it runs the world. It can make you or break you, so it is important to learn how to handle it wisely. Many parents have settled upon a monthly or weekly allowance to teach the next generation how to handle money. But this system is not turning out financially independent and responsible adults. Parent should reconsider allowances and use a better way of teaching financial wisdom, and bring up a generation who have character and knowledge of wealth.
Many parents believe that allowances are the best way to teach their children finance, character, and hard work. However, many parents just hand out the money and give no guidance on what to do with it. Not only is the child learning to get money they didn’t earn, they are also learning bad spending habits, and that life gives them free handouts. Altogether, the child is picking up bad work ethic, catastrophic spending habits, and the
unrealistic and destructive view that they will be handed the most important things in life for free without earning it. On the other hand, quite a few parents give their child allowance for doing chores. This is a definite step in the right direction, for it can teach hard work and responsibility. However, money isn’t the only way to teach these principles, and once again the child can learn bad spending habits, since they can easily earn it and they have no guidelines. In addition, they are missing a very important principle that allowances are stealing from them, that sometimes you should do a chore, or job because it is right, not because of money. There is not a quick fix way to develop a responsible child, it takes interaction and guidance to teach a person how to handle money, allowances definitely don’t teach a child this.
Also, allowances can be done by many modern families, but for people who financially can’t do it, and the families of the past, it was and is impossible. So how do these families in past and families in the present teach their children to be money growers instead of money wasters without allowance? First, parent’s give their children responsibilities and a choice to get it done right, or be given a punishment. This teaches responsibility, hard work and consequences, three important principles of wealth. Then they give their child money making opportunities, to teach them how to earn their own money. Finally, they teach their child how to use their money wisely, and not waste it. This way is better in so may ways. Mainly because it focuses on the most important principles of wealth, hard work, character, and stewardship. By learning how to be wealthy before earning money, they will already be richer.
As a kid, my parents decided it wouldn’t benefit anyone to give me an allowance, especially the bank account. Instead, I grew up working hard and learning responsibility. This made it easier for me when I got birthday money, or extra hard earned cash in the summer, for I knew what to do with it. They taught me to never spend it all, as I saw other kids doing, but saved some of it for later investments. This taught me stewardship of money, to watch a budget, and find ways to make more money. There is nothing so satisfying as earning your own money, and watching it grow. This way, my parents taught me how to handle money wisely. For there are two things you can with a river, you can glean from the natural resources and benefit greatly from it, or you can waste it, and let all of it’s potential flow by you till it is dry and wasted. Money is a lot like a river, you can use it and gain a lot of rewards, or you can waste, abuse it, and let it dry up.
Allowances are not effectively teaching financial wisdom to the next generation. Parents should reconsider allowances and start using effective ways that actually successfully bring up financially independent, and responsible adults. Just like you don’t just drive without learning how to, people don’t learn how to handle money wisely without being taught how to.
Allowances don’t teach financial wisdom only parents who guide their children in the ways of wealth do.

Not at War

by mholden

The year was 1914. Just 100 years ago. The Central Powers, led by Germany, were launching a major global offensive against the Allied forces of Russia, France, and Great Britain. The United States took a position of neutrality in an attempt to stay clear of the conflict.
On May 7, 1915, however, a German U-boat attacked and sank the Lusitania, a non-military British liner. 128 US citizens lost their lives, but Woodrow Wilson declared, “America is too proud to fight.”
During 1915-16 the American Congress worked to cut the military budget and in fact, defeated a “big navy” plan and scuttled the battleships.
January 31, 1917, German Ambassador to the United States presented U.S. Secretary of State a note declaring Germany’s intention to restart unrestricted submarine warfare. In February-March of 1917, German submarines targeted and sank several US merchant ships. On February 24, the British forwarded an intercepted German telegram to Mexico that promised war favors for attacking the US. Throughout this period the US maintained its position of neutrality. On February 26, Wilson asked Congress for the authority to arm U.S. merchant ships with U.S. naval personnel and equipment. While the measure would probably have passed in a vote, several anti-war Senators led a successful filibuster that consumed the remainder of the congressional session.
Finally, on April 2, 1917, President Woodrow Wilson went before a joint session of Congress to request a declaration of war against Germany. Congress declared war on April 6, 1917.

War is not fun. The threats in it, the costs of it, the death produced by it; everything about it causes us to shrink back from it. Even when significantly impacted by it, we avoid it, and resist acknowledging it. As stated in the Declaration of Independence, “…and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed.”

An aversion to war has been woven somewhere into the fabric of American culture. We can hear the rumble of cannons, feel the ground reverberating under our feet, hear of casualties laying by the wayside, even smell the stench of decaying flesh. But we still get up in the morning, have our coffee, continue our routine, eat out at our favorite restaurant, go on vacation, and life continues with no sense of impending struggle or loss.

Sunday, December 7, 1941 started quietly, as many days before it had. Although all of Europe and most Asia and Russia were deeply embroiled in destructive warfare, men in Pearl Harbor had been out the Saturday evening before relaxing, partying… ignoring. War was raging, but all of life was quiet and routine as a country awoke on that quiet Sunday morning. The rest is history, as they say.

The family, as we know it, as God designed it, is under heavy attack. The sound of artillery can be heard in the distance. Casualties lie all around. The evidence of the conflict is abundant. But dads headed off to work this morning, moms did their morning chores, put their children on the bus for the day, then headed off to their jobs. I believe that it is time to sound the alarm. It is time to unveil the enemy. It is time to develop wartime strategy. It is time to declare war.

The Source of All Authority

by mholden

Secular humanism screams against authority. The culture in which we live rejects the existence of any authority at all. Everything coming from nothing, with no source or purpose for anything, leaves the entire system without direction, without foundation, without right or wrong, without justice, without authority.

Authority, like life itself, however, cannot spring from nothing. Authority must be delegated from a higher source. The individual or entity that stands on its own and claims to have authority has no basis. The police officer who pulls you over for speeding gets his authority to do from the civil authority that enacted the law governing speed limits. The law makers that passed the speeding law gained their authority to do so from the documents that constitute the state that they govern. Those documents gain their authority from the Constitutional law under which our nation is established. The Constitution gains its authority from the Founder who established all law. Ultimately, all authority comes down from God himself. The is no authority, except that which comes from him.

Even Jesus Christ, the Son of God, had authority only because it was given to him. He said, “And [the Father] has given him authority to execute judgment, because he is the Son of Man.” John 5:27

A Roman centurion understood Jesus’ authority by saying, “For I too am a man set under authority, with soldiers under me: and I say to one, ‘Go,’ and he goes; and to another, ‘Come,’ and he comes; and to my servant, ‘Do this,’ and he does it” Luke 7:8. Because the centurion had such understanding of authority, Jesus “marveled at him, and turning to the crowd that followed him, said, “I tell you, not even in Israel have I found such faith.” It’s amazing to consider that of all actions or statements that Jesus observed as he walked on earth, the one that receives his highest commendation is a man who understands authority.

All authority and power originate in the person of our God.

At the end of the days I, Nebuchadnezzar, lifted my eyes to heaven, and my reason returned to me, and I blessed the Most High, and praised and honored him who lives forever, for his dominion is an everlasting dominion, and his kingdom endures from generation to generation; all the inhabitants of the earth are accounted as nothing,
and he does according to his will among the host of heaven and among the inhabitants of the earth; and none can stay his hand
or say to him, “What have you done?” Daniel 4:34, 35

The God who made the world and everything in it, being Lord of heaven and earth, does not live in temples made by man, nor is he served by human hands, as though he needed anything, since he himself gives to all mankind life and breath and everything.… Acts 17:24, 25

For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen. Romans 11:36

For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him. Colossians 1:16

Surrogate Parents

by mholden

Pastor John Gordon lay restlessly starring at a dark ceiling. The clock reads 2:43am. An encounter with Brent, a seventeen year old member of his youth group, was playing over and over in his mind. Brent has been struggling with his unbelieving parents and in a matter-of-fact comment declared that he would be much better off if he could move in with his youth leader.

John’s heart grieves as he recalls a youth sponsor workshop that he had attended with that same youth leader. The instructor of the workshop had challenged the workers to “win the hearts of their youths away from their parents”. The exhortation was specifically directed toward youths with unbelieving parents.

Now Brent was reflecting the successful implementation of that training. He was dishonoring his parents under the influence of the church training program. Pastor Gordon felt a tear trickle down the side of his face as he contemplated the reality that under his own care a young person had been led to violate the fifth commandment.

Outlandish? “That wouldn’t happen!” you say? “They don’t really teach youth workers to do that,” you rebut. I am sorry, but they do. Although it may not always be that blatant, it is true.

Pastor, ask yourself this question: “Are the activities of the church body for which I am responsible putting families together or pulling them apart?” The family is in enough trouble in our culture today without the church contributing to its demise. It is time to distinguish between that which is Scriptural and that which is cultural. It is time to rise up as a man of the Scriptures. Families are being led away as sheep to the slaughter and the Lord has placed shepherds in their role to protect and defend.

Releasing Crooked Arrows

by mholden

As you are parenting, are you raising children or raising adults? It is important to know what you are aiming for. Ultimately, if you desire to end up with healthy, productive, contributing Kingdom citizens, it is important to raise your offspring to be adults. In the analogy of my title, a crooked arrow is one that has not been prepared to fly straight. Through improper care, the arrow has not been made ready for flight.

When using the analogy of an arrow to picture the release of children from parents, it is important to identify an inaccuracy in the picture. Releasing an arrow is an instantaneous event that happens the moment the string is released and the arrow is launched. Releasing a child is a progressive event that involves many steps. It is perhaps pictured more clearly by identifying the parenting process as one of continued relocation of fences.

A crawling infant has very narrow fences. Daddy and Mommy keep a watchful eye on all activities. The child has very few choices entrusted to him or her. Mom makes decisions for the child like “Can I touch this?” or “Can I crawl over here?” By the time that child graduates from the toddler stage, he now faces increased opportunities for decision-making, like “Would you like to wear this shirt or that one?” and “Would you like to help to wash the dishes or sweep the floor”. The realm of decision-making power increases. The fences are moved out.

By the time that child is twelve, he or she has moved through several more fence-moving opportunities. Now the “almost adult” has been given authority over certain household responsibilities. When I was twelve, I was responsible to see that the hopper to our coal furnace was kept full. I could do it whenever I chose to. If I neglected it, my parents woke me up at 3:00am to a cold house and the opportunity to correct that problem! Along with that increased responsibility came increased trust. I could dress myself; keep my bed where I wanted it in my room (as long as my brother agreed!); learn how to operate the riding lawn mower (big stuff!).

You get the idea. It is a tragedy to see an eighteen-year old man or woman operating inside of the fence of an eleven-year old. Oh, Dad and Mom do not crush your child’s ability to have hope through the fear that he might mess up. Start early to entrust responsibility to your child so when they mess up, the hurt is small. Your child will make mistakes. That is how arrows are straightened! Carving knifes and sand paper will do their refining work.

The Proverbs provide a great example of a father who was attempting to prepare his son for the responsibilities of adulthood. He taught him everything from a healthy work ethic to how to govern himself in the face of temptation.

The foundational government of all jurisdictions is self-government. Family government, civil government, and church government are all dependent upon the raising of adults who have strong self-government. Work now to release your children into adulthood. From the day your child is born, begin preparing him to fly on his own.